Ask an ex-Muslim

Would it be bad if I waited till I was financially secure before I tell my parents I don't believe in Allah? (From Malaysia and changing religion is a big deal here, I'm still in high school, I might be hanged? Idk) Would it be, like, taking advantage of them or something?

Well, I don’t think it would be bad. It’s not your fault. That’s actually pretty much what I’m doing. If it puts you in danger, then you should wait and don’t worry about “taking advantage” because your life is more important.

Are you going to answer Allah with this answer when he asks you on the Judgment day ? I left Islam because of the muslims ? u think he will accept this excuse ? Its just like saying to the teacher : teacher i didnt do the homework cuz I didnot like the questions O_o I prefer u be a mulim doing the basic five pillars only even without Hijab only the basics than being Non- Muslim for in the last case u know u will be placed in Hell for ever when in the fisrt case u will only be punished

ok thanks for telling us we will go to hell

very interesting blog you have here. i just have a tiny question. i see hijabis praising other hijabis because they don't "give in" to the western idea that they're being oppressed by wearing it. but i never hear of them praising western, non-religious women (such as myself ) who dress quite modestly, but don't cover my hair.. just because i don't cover up, doesn't mean i'm not modest, you know? do they ever stop and think about that? is there a middle ground for them?

i dont know if you can lump all hijabis together but i do think that wearing a hijab in a climate of racism and xenophobia takes an extra type of courage/initiative, so i can understand it when my hijabi friends tell each other way to survive. i do agree that a lot of muslims engage in ‘haram policing’ and its ridiculous. i’ve seen many non-modest hijabis, and very modest non-hijabis.

-ainee

I'm the one watching other guys interact with girls. When girls aren't covered up, guys are more prone to touching them, hugging them, etc. So although girls feel like they should be respected, despite what they wear, that isn't the case.

That isn’t the girl’s fault though. Not at all. As an innocent bystander, why don’t you help them when they are not okay with where they are being touched? This is the fault of people who think it is okay to touch others based on the clothes they are wearing. Why is it the girl’s fault that she is wearing clothing that she likes to wear and inviting attention that she wants to get? Consensual touching is okay, but if a girl says no, it means no, and therefore anything beyond that is wrong. It is never a person’s fault that they are wearing clothing that supposedly ~invites~ another to touch them.

Here are some rape statistics. If you see them, you’ll realize that we have a problem with how we tackle sexual assault by telling women to cover up and not go out. How about we tackle the problem that people think that we own a woman’s body because of what they wear?

Now for the dressing part: A lot of girls say that they want respect and they love their body and that is why they're showing it off, but even before I wore hijab, I still covered up to an extent, and I found out that even though I was covered, guys still thought it was okay to touch my waist, and hips, etc. and I was not okay with that. I don't even like being wolf whistled at, but that's just me. Anyway, now as the "innocent bystander", [contd.]

What you are talking about is the rape culture that we live in. Hijabis are still sexualized and fetishized for what they wear (ever run across hijab porn? scary shit) but this is not uncommon for any woman whatsoever. No matter what a woman (or man or non-binary) wears, no one should be allowed to touch them, or comment in them in any form that makes them uneasy and feel unsafe. Cat-calling is not only for the women who wear revealing clothes, not at all.

In fact, in my experiences, I’ve seen more men catcall at me when I was covered up than when I was not. It’s not limited to women who are not covering up. 

I used to rush my prayers, memorize surahs cause I didn't have a choice, and detest going to the masjid. What really made a difference for me were the people around me and the extra classes I went to with girls my own age. You said "everything I do as an atheist, I know its right", may I ask what you do as an atheist? Like are there any rituals? I know this sounds stupid, but that's what I inferred from your statement. I'm probably missing something. [contd.]

I just feel like I’m a part of something that makes sense to me. There aren’t any rituals haha, but there’s just something in me that gets it. Kind of like you with Islam. I admire the fact that you’ve been able to be so connected with Islam, but I am not that person. I am someone who believes there is no God and that everyone should be treated the same way, the same equality simply because I don’t want to be a person that hurts people. I don’t want to be a person that hurts because of others that want to hurt me. Therefore I just don’t hurt other people, and respect them for their beliefs. It’s okay, no worries about you being insulting, I just think that you need to look up your resources on being gay in the first place. 

I don’t hate Islam. I would never hate Muslims. If you check out my other Tumblrs, I run STFUIslamobigotry as well. However, I hate the institutional oppression that comes with being in an organized (and Abrahamic) religion. I long for a day when we’re all able to practice our religions (or lack thereof) freely and without oppressing any other people, but unfortunately, we do not live in an utopia. I’ll try my best to educate people about being an ex-Muslim my own way.

-Juthika

How is it demeaning? Even if you look at homosexuality from a scientific perspective, it is very rare that someone is actually born homosexual. I think the reason there are so many people who are "coming out of the closet" in todays society is because homosexuality is being publicized as something cool and different and most people simply want to "try it out". Additionally, once again scientifically looking at the matter, homosexuals are more prone to diseaes

False, false, and false. The reason why there are so many people coming out of society is because society is finally opening up towards people being gay in the first place. For once, it is okay to be gay. It is okay to be gay and not be publicly killed or humiliated or beaten. And yet there are people who kill themselves for people with these sorts of opinions that homosexuality is something that they need to choose. Sexuality is not a trend to have, and it’s not something that people want to use as being different, not at all. Please read more about this subject, you’re very misinformed.

Read this. 

That is a blatant lie that gay people are more prone to diseases. How are they more prone to diseases? Anal sex? Oral sex? Sex acts that many, if not every heterosexual couple tries out? AIDS was not created by gay people.

You have straight privilege. You have no idea what being gay is like. How can you use your logic to understand why gay people do what they do when they are not gay themselves? Why would someone want to be gay in a place where they would kill and beat and torture these people? It’s not publicized as being cool, it’s publicized as being ACCEPTED. There is a huge difference. I cannot comment more on this matter because I am not gay, but he is a much better resource than I am.

it's a wonderful feeling (to me personally), whenever I see another hijabi. It feels like I belong to this community and we share the same values. Also Islam is an extremely important part of my life and I like being recognized as a Muslim. Anyway, sorry for writing so much. I look forward to your response. :)

Hey, it’s no big deal for writing, I appreciate your response, but okay, I’m going to have to do this step by step for your last question.

Finally, go ahead and accuse me of being too judgmental or whatever, but I think the reasons you guys left Islam was because you were simply forced to do things rather than figuring out the purpose behind them.

Please read this. I find it rather insulting that you assume that I haven’t figured out the purpose behind many Islamic acts. It took me a long journey of religious searching to get where I was, and never was I forced to do anything because of Islam. I respect Islam, absolutely, I find that it has made me a better person, but I do not fit, so to speak. I cannot call myself a Muslim when I do not enjoy salat, going to the masjid, saying my du’as, reading the Qur’an, and so on. I never found spiritual release.

For everything I do as a Muslim, I know it’s right.

Everything I do as an atheist, I know it’s right.

A couple of examples: wearing scarf- at first I hated this, but as time went by and I grew to learn about the virtues of wearing hijab. I don’t believed that women should be restricted or ‘confined to their homes’ but the people who say such things obviously are ignorant. 

I absolutely agree with you. I believe we are on the same page here. I do believe that hijab is a wonderful garment, and I have much respect for women who do cover up.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be against anyone who didn’t wear hijab, even if they were Muslim. I think the more important thing is dressing decently in order to gain respect and be treated as intelligent rather than dressing to showcase assets. 

Alright, this is a no-no.

There is no such thing as dressing decently, or showing off your assets. Regardless of who we are as people, just like you have the right to cover up without being judged, I have the right to expose myself and not be judged. I know I am intelligent, but I also know I have big boobs and I cannot help but actually show them off because I like my body and I embrace my curves. Should I not be respected then, because I like to show off my body? It’s this slut-shaming aspect that I dislike among many women that one must need to dress ‘decently’ to be respected. Everyone should be respected regardless of what they are wearing.

As for your last bit, I encounter a lot of women in hijabis, and i always like to give salaam to them as a part of respect. I’m glad that you like being recognized as a Muslim, and if I were to find you on the street, I would definitely say salaam to you. However, I would like you to respect that I wasn’t forced to do anything in Islam to become who I am, I have just realized that I’m not part of this religion. Thanks for writing, I hope we chat later on!

-Juthika

Another thing I want to ask you guys about is homosexuality. I have heard numerous interpretations from Islamic scholars and people educated in the subject that although Islam doesn't forbid being homosexual feelings (since it is against the person's control), but rather practicing homosexual acts. Therefore if someone is bisexual, it's not haram for them to feel lust toward the same sex, but rather for them to pursue these feelings. [contd.]

This is still oppressive towards gay people. I mean, you’re basically telling them that they cannot EVER be physically intimate towards someone they love. Here’s an interpretation of the Qur’an that isn’t so oppressive at all. It’s like saying “I love you as people, but I don’t like what you’re doing so you can’t do it.” It’s demeaning. And from what I know, I think this has to do with more of the cultural implications that homosexuality has in many Muslim countries as being disgusting and awful, not Islam itself because it is a sexuality that straight people cannot understand. I believe that Islam and (if there is one) a God is fully sex-positive, but have regressive concepts of sexuality simply because we as straight people are scared of sex.

but aren't "perfect". By this I mean that they may listen to music, wear hijab, but not abaya, etc. I know another group of Muslims who follow 5 pillars but don't necessarily wear hijab, date, even smoke. And finally I know a group who don't necessarily pray all the salats (prayers) or fast, but believe in Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAW) and Islam. So my question is how can you write off the entire Muslim community as rigid, and strict, and unfriendly to people who aren't Muslims? [contd.]

I’ve never said that this is the ENTIRE Muslim community, not at all. I’ve stated that this is the societal norms in the Muslim ummah as it is. There is a difference between generalizing the entire Muslim community (as in every single one) does such-and-such actions and criticizing the society in which all Muslims have grown up in. 

I have met many beautiful and wonderful Muslims irl and on here that criticize the same oppressive elements in Muslim society. I am not alone in thinking that there needs to be an reformation of the society we live in (as in both Muslim and non-Muslim society) to get rid of the oppressive elements such as sexism and heterosexism.

I understand where you’re coming from, I really do, and I appreciate that you’re asking me this nicely, however I’m not sure why most people tend to question the people who left instead of questioning the people who are being oppressive in the first place.

-Juthika